


All These Years (You'll Always Be My Star)

by kissperingniall



Series: All These Years [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Daddy Louis, Daddy Zayn, Fluff, Kid Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-23
Updated: 2014-10-23
Packaged: 2018-02-22 07:18:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2499338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kissperingniall/pseuds/kissperingniall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis and Zayn, in the beginnings of their relationship, recall when they got their son.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All These Years (You'll Always Be My Star)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! Sorry I haven't updated in like, two months. I'm still working on the last chapter (yes, I did say last :/) of All These Years, and thought maybe I should give you something to hold you over till I've got it finished. 
> 
> Anyways, I know it's short, but I hope you like it :)
> 
> -sorry for any mistakes. I didn't edit this before posting. xx

4:23am.

It’s too early. He really hoped he had been able to sleep in till at least five, but as life would have it, Louis Tomlinson can’t get a good night sleep with a baby that’s barely a year old. There’s a screeching wail coming from the down the hall, and Louis knows that it hasn’t even touched Zayn’s ears, someone who’s become accustomed to being dead to the world in sleep that Louis really wishes he could do the same.

Even if he had that miraculous talent, with little Blaze around, there’s no way it’d ever work.

He’s his weakness after all.

Louis groans, rubs his eyes and rises from his slumber. Groggily getting out of bed, he stumbles half asleep down the hallway and into his son’s room, softly shushing him to no avail. “C’mon baby, it’s all right. Daddy’s here,” Louis mumbles, reaching into the crib to pull the baby into his arms. The moment Blaze realizes he’s safe in his father’s arms, the world falls silent and Louis is left to wonder what makes him so easy to calm just by holding him.

He thinks maybe they’re both too attached.

“Are you hungry? Did you wet your diaper?” Louis asks rhetorically, searching Blaze’s face for any response, but instead decides to sniff his diaper, just to double check. “Nope. No poops. Hungry then?” He murmurs, trudging into his tiny kitchen to retrieve a bottle of formula. He turns the faucet, waits for it warm up before holding the bottle under the water. Blaze only looks up at him with his wide blue eyes, curious of only Louis, ever the silent child.

Louis offers the bottle when it’s lukewarm, and Blaze takes the teat in hungrily.

“My first thought. But why so early, bub? Can’t daddy get some sleep?”

Blaze only replies with his eyes, suckling on the nip greedily.

Louis sighs. “Slow down or you’ll get a tummy ache.”

When Blaze is finished, Louis rests him on his shoulder, pats his back a few times to receive a burp and chuckles. “That’s a good boy. Wanna go back to bed? Sleep with daddy and baba?”

Blaze gives a little coo and Louis has his answer.

Happily, they head back to Louis and Zayn’s room, slowly climbing into bed, Louis then Blaze and then Zayn on the other side and everything seems to fall into place again. Maybe Louis can finally get that good night’s sleep he needs.

Until Zayn stirs awake, reaching out to caress Louis’ bare shoulder.

“Hey.”

Louis wants to scream, but Blaze is already asleep again and it’d be a shame to throw away something so preciously needed.

“Hey,” Louis whispers back, finding Zayn’s eyes in the dark.

It’s strange, being able to see all of his features without having a light source. Being together for almost a year and a half now, Louis wouldn’t think he’d ever experience something so intimate, but with Zayn, everything just feels so natural. So maybe it’s not crazy that he knows exactly what he looks like without the lights, or how he can remember the way he sounds even if he’s not in the same room.

“Had a dream about us.” Zayn mentions softly.

“Oh yeah?”

“More like… You, Blaze and I.”

Louis makes a grunting noise.

“Hey, I want to talk about it.”

Louis laughs quietly. “Okay. What about it. What happened in your dream?”

Zayn sits up a bit, “It was more of a memory if anything, actually. When we first got Blaze.”

Now his interest is intrigued.

“Do you remember?”

“Of course I do,” Louis scoffs. “Probably the second best thing that’s ever happened with you.”

It really was. The whole thing was sort of the worst thing at first, with Louis and Zayn blissfully going through life without a care in the world. Zayn starting his temp job at the office and Louis easily working through his small acting offers. They had just moved in too, both having saved enough money to find a place that seemed so perfect at the time. Just a two bedroom, one bathroom apartment on the west side of London, just close enough to Zayn’s job but far enough that they didn’t feel bogged down by the city.

Then came the fateful knock at their door that changed everything they ever worked for.

"Are you going to get it?" Louis called from the bathroom, having just started his shower. Zayn sighed, set his comic down on the end table next to the couch, and got up to answer the door.

Upon opening it, he's faced with a sight he only thought he'd see in the movies. "Uhh... Lou? I need you out here, like now." Zayn exclaimed, panic laced in his voice.

Louis emerged from the bathroom, wrapped in only a towel around his waist, looking completely disgruntled. "What? I'm in the middle of something." He grumbled, trudging down the hallway in an annoyed fashion. When he approached the doorway alongside Zayn, his face fell. "What the fuck?"

And there he was, a bundled up babe in a baby seat decorated with little baby dinosaurs. A note was taped to the handle, and Zayn ripped it away from its latch to read it.

" _I know this probably isn't the best way to do this, but I can't take care of him. Louis, you're the only one who can give him the life he deserves. I hope you'll do the right thing. Eleanor."_

"Eleanor? What the fuck, Louis?" Zayn leered at him, but it fell only on deaf ears. Louis could only hear the soft coos coming from the little bundle and he should've been angry, shocked, anything but the sudden fatherly instincts he automatically had. Maybe it was because he had all of his siblings he helped take care of, or maybe he just wanted to be a father deep down, but the second he pulled the child into his arms, he knew this was right.

"I'm a dad?" was all he could murmur as he stared into those bright blue eyes resembling his own.

Zayn growled, "Are we going to talk about this? Hello? When the fuck did you even have sex with this girl? We've been together barely a year, Louis. Did you cheat on me?"

Now Louis heard him. "No! God no! She was a one night stand I had before we even got together."

Zayn shut the door, setting the baby seat on the island counter before turning back to face him. "So... What? We're not even going to talk about this? You're just going to keep him?"

"Zayn, he's my son, I can't abandon him."

"Then why can she do it and can’t even blink an eye about it?! Are you even sure he's yours?" Zayn shouted. He was angry, so far beyond that. How could they take care of a child now? And why would he even consider staying if this was to become their life? Zayn wanted to scream.

Louis frowned. "Yelling at me won't do you any good."

"Says the five year old manchild." Zayn quipped. He sighed, sitting back on a stool before running his hand through his hair. "Sorry, look. We need to sit down and talk about this. But first," he looked Louis over. "First you should go put some clothes on. Maybe finish your shower."

Louis stared at him skeptically, but slowly gave in, handing the baby over to him. "You're right. We do need to talk about this, but I'm not giving him up. I won't be like my father." He remarked before heading back to finish what he was doing earlier.

Zayn sighed, staring at the tiny child with a frown. "I hate when he guilt trips me like that. But I'm not ready to be a dad." The baby looked up to him, all big blue eyes and cute button nose with lips so pink that Zayn could tell the resemblance to Louis was uncanny. He groaned, defeated. "I don't know if I can do this."

He pulled out his phone, dialing the one person he knew could help him figure this out.

"'Ello, mate. You good?"

"The exact opposite, love." Zayn murmured. He could hear the instant reflection of emotion on the other end.

"Want to talk about it?"

"Can you come over? There's something you need to see."

"Sure, mate. I'll be there in a few."

 

When Harry got there, Louis glared at Zayn like he revealed the biggest secret in the world.

“What the hell? You couldn’t even wait for me to get out of the shower to talk about this? What gives you the right to call my best friend over before we’ve even had a civilized conversation bout him?” Louis growled, removing the baby from Zayn’s arms with a glare. “Harry, love, I’m sorry, we’re having a bit of a lovers spat.”

“And you have a baby?” Harry stated flatly, pointing at the bundle in Louis’ arms.

Louis looked away from him, almost ashamed. “Yeah… It’s uh… Yeah, this is my son,” he answered. Harry moved over to him, looking the child over and smiled softly.

“He’s beautiful. But…” He then stared to Louis. “How? Who? When?”

“Eleanor. One night stand. Months before Zayn and I.”

Zayn got up from the stool and joined the other two. “Can we please all just sit down and talk this over?” He headed to the couch and beckoned the others to join him.

Louis was sandwiched between Harry and Zayn, staring fondly at his son, knowing that no matter what Zayn said, he was keeping him. “There’s nothing to talk about, Zayn, I’m keeping him.”

“So, just like that? No compromises? You’ve just made up your mind?” Zayn glowered.

“Yeah.”

“Zayn? What are your thoughts?” Harry intervened, trying to get something going between the two of them.

“I’m scared! I don’t know what to do with a baby. I’m only twenty-one. I don’t even know if we can afford this. This is all too fucking much for me.” Zayn admitted, looking straight at Louis. Surprisingly, the older stared back at him.

“I’m scared too, Zayn. But I can’t just abandon him like that. If Eleanor can’t take care of him, it’s probably for a good reason that she wanted me to do it.”

Zayn sighed. “I know you don’t want to turn out like your father, but… This is too much for me. If you keep him, I don’t think you can keep me.” He admitted painfully. It’s almost like a knife was held against his neck. If he didn’t say how he truly felt then he’d kill himself indefinitely. Louis’ stare was worse than that, tears threatening to surface, cheeks already turning pink, and lips quivering.

“So just like that, if I keep him, then you’re gone?”

Zayn backed away from Louis, uncertain. Because yes, part of him wanted to run away, but part of him wanted to stay because he loved Louis so bloody much that it would kill to lose him. Nevertheless, being in a relationship with no compromise, throwing them into a situation that could literally murder them financially when they’re barely even financially okay to take care of themselves, it’s that kind of thing that Zayn wasn't ready for.

He knew Louis was stubborn though, he’d keep his child, because he had more noble intentions than Zayn ever did, and that was the worst part.

Because Zayn knew that he was more selfish than both of them put together.

He got up. "I need to go." And he was out the door before either of them could stop him.

Louis frowned. "What did I do wrong? I..."

"Maybe you're being too rash about this, Lou." Harry stated. He glanced between Louis and the baby and sighed. "I know you want to just plunge straight into this, but have you even realized that you're panicking yourself?"

Louis hated how harry could always see right through him. Of course he was panicking. But what could he really do? He didn't want to become his father. And he hated how he knew Zayn was so right about this, too.

They, as a couple, were barely ready to take on the world as a couple. What made him think this was something he could do when they just got to this point in their relationship?

Louis held the bundled child close. He was sleeping, silent to the tension in the room and Louis was envious.

"What do I do? I can't just give him up."

Harry settled his hand on Louis', giving him that soft look of understanding that he loved and hated all the same. "I think you should wait till Zayn comes back and talk to him about it. Be open minded to what he has to say. I know this is a huge deal, honestly I don't know what I'd do with a child right now, so I get where Zayn is coming from. But I also know why you're being so firm about this. So..." Harry trailed. "If being with Zayn is something you want to keep happening, you need to find a common ground. Okay?"

 

**

 

Zayn got home hours later. He'd gone and gotten himself completely piss drunk. It was enough to clear his head of his worries, but walking through his front door, finding all the lights out except for his bedroom, he knew that things were just going to smash into his face again.

He wanted Louis. That wasn't a doubt, but a kid?

What would they even do?

How could they afford to take time away from being responsible adults and suddenly become parents over night?

He had three sisters, he knew how hard it was for his mum and baba. But they had planned it out. Made space for all of them.

Louis and he didn't even have a baby crib or the proper items to take care of a baby. And how old was the child anyways?

What even was his name?

Sighing, Zayn removed his shoes by the door, locking it behind him, and trudged down the hallway. Peering into their room, Louis and his son were nuzzled up together, sound asleep.

 _Maybe I should sleep in the guest room tonight._ He thought, but when Louis stirred awake he halted any movements he could've made.

"You're home," Louis whispered, rubbing his eyes sleepily.

"Yeah. I was just checking on you and was gonna go to the other room for tonight." Zayn answered, slowly turning.

"No, please don't." Louis called quietly. Removing himself from the bed gently, he moved to Zayn's side, reaching for his hand. Zayn didn't resist. "Can we talk?"

"Okay."

They headed to their balcony, staring silently at the approaching morning sky. Zayn lit a cigarette, desperate for one.

"Hey, there's a baby in there." Louis scolded, receiving a quick glare from the other. He winced. "I-I'm sorry. Carry on."

They spent the next few moments peacefully, sharing the sight of beauty that London always seemed to offer even if most days were spent in dreary darkness of the clouds.

"What are we going to do?" Louis spoke up and for the first time since the baby's unwelcomed arrival, Zayn finally felt like they were on the same page again. He reached for Louis' hand and squeezed gently.

"I don't know. I'm really not..."

"Me neither." Louis admitted. "I got myself so worked up. The sight of my son, the uncanny resemblance, I just..." He shut his eyes tightly. "I don't want to fuck things up as a boyfriend, and potentially as a father."

Zayn sighed, dragging on the cigarette until he couldn't hold it in any longer. "You aren't... And you won't."

"But Zayn! I—"

He looked to him with a sad kindness. "If this is what you want, I can't stop you. But I'll be damned if I lose you. We've built a life together ever since uni. I've always seen myself with you, knew we were meant for each other the second harry introduced us in that stupid maths class that I dreaded taking until you came along. I've always wanted to have a proper life with you, a house, a car, the jobs we both wanted, and eventually marriage and a family."

Louis stared at him with watery eyes. "Me too," he squeaked, wrapping his arms around Zayn’s, resting his head on his shoulder.

"Maybe life wants us to do things backwards. Maybe this child is a blessing in disguise meant to test us, and it did. For a moment, I really thought I couldn't be with you." Zayn whispered, feeling the desperation in Louis' grip. "But when I thought about not being with you, I just couldn't bear it. The pain would be too great if I lost you."

"So... What are you saying?"

Zayn smashed the butt of his cigarette into the ashtray and glanced to Louis. "I'm saying that we'll figure this out, together."

Things seemed to fall into place afterwards.

The following day, they discussed naming the child, along with Harry. It was over a bowl, and despite their questionable state of minds, the little babe didn’t seem to mind being formally named “Blaze”, having only given a giggle of a response.

“I want to get a monkey, Zee,” Louis had whined, pressing his face against his shoulder.

“We already got one, he’s safe and sound in his rocker,” Zayn pointed out, laughing hysterically.

 

**

 

“I’m still waiting for my monkey, Zee.” Louis remarks and Zayn lets out a quiet chuckle.

He leans forward and presses a kiss to Louis’ forehead. “In my dream, we got that monkey. We named him Harry. Gave him loads of bananas too.”

Louis laughs, “Sounds like someone we know very well.”

“You and Blaze are the best things to ever happen to me.”

And Louis knows he means it with every bit of his being.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too. I’ll get you your monkey in the morning.” Zayn teases.

Louis lightly smacks him with a pillow. “Shut up and go to sleep you menace. Daddy needs his beauty sleep.”

Zayn gets up, softly bringing Blaze into his arms and quickly escapes the room, leaving Louis to his confusion. He returns, empty handed, and closes the door just a hair.

“What did you do?”

He climbs back into bed, crawling up Louis’ body to smash their lips together. Louis tangles his hands in Zayn’s hair, shutting his eyes lightly. “You don’t need beauty sleep, yeah?”

Louis looks to Zayn and gives a smirk. “I’ve gone without it for this long and you still love me.”

“You bet your arse I do.” Zayn groans back into a kiss.


End file.
